Have you ever hit a wall? Not literally (although I’ve done that too), but rather come to a point when life smacks you across the face and says, “What the hell are you doing?” I think we all have experienced this, most of us multiple times. I can think of several times this has happened to me, usually for different stuff, but there are certain subjects that require me hitting the wall repetitively. The biggest, for me, is my weight.
A little history: There is no time in my memory where I haven’t felt Big. As a kid, it wasn’t because I was heavy, but because I was taller than everyone else my age. I think, in the beginning, I liked it, being taller than everyone else, but somewhere along the way I got the idea that Big was not good. Girls were supposed to be petite, delicate, whatever. I haven’t the foggiest idea where this notion came from, but it’s there anyway. Even though I’m an educated modern 21st century woman with liberal and feminist beliefs, there is still a little nag in the back of my head that tells me not to wear heels that make me taller than my husband. It’s annoying.
Anyway, I already felt Big going into puberty (sidenote: can we all agree that we hate this word?), so once that took effect, it turns out (of course) that I don’t have my mother’s natural lithe physique that graced her and her sisters. Nope, I’m built like my Aunt Mary (damn namesake), complete with thick arms and a thick waist and topping out at 5’ 10”. I wasn’t fat yet, but like most adolescent girls, I thought I was. I slowly, but steadily, gained weight all through high school and into college. For reference, at 15 I was 152lbs. By my sophomore year in college I weighed in at 179. Which was when I started Weight Watchers for the first time (Hello Wall #1). I did the online program, I worked out daily and I got down to a very nice 161 before summer hit. And I quit Weight Watchers.
I started dating Hubby in 2005 and we eventually (I don’t actually remember when) decided to do Weight Watchers together, this time with meetings (Wall #2). I went from 191 down to 176 before we couldn’t afford it anymore and we quit. Hubby actually lost almost 50lbs doing Weight Watchers and he was much slower to gain it back than I was.
Here’s where the numbers start to get ugly. When we got engaged (2006) I was around 180 and wedding planning caused me to actually gain weight and I got married (2007) at 190lbs. At my first prenatal appointment with Goober I was charted weighing a whopping 215lbs. I gained 40lbs during pregnancy, mostly baby and water, and lost it all plus two pounds by my six week post partum appointment. During the height of breastfeeding I believe I got as low as 206 pounds.
But then a whole lot of life happened. My husband lost his job. My son quit sleeping for several months. We dealt with several major life and health crises. One thing after another after another. And since my go to coping device is food, the pounds packed on and the clothes stopped fitting. Now I really was BIG. Hubby and I talked a couple times about our weight issues. He has offered many suggestions over the past few months for gyms and diets and weight loss programs. I’m a funny creature though. I need to get there on my own, I need to hit my Wall.
Last Thursday night, I hit that wall (Wall #3). I’m not even sure what it was that tipped me over the edge, but I was done being fat. Friday morning I weighed myself for the first time in AWHILE. I am 234 lbs. That is not a number I ever thought I would see. Heck, I never believed I would get over the 200 mark, but now I’m 34 pounds past that. Friday morning, I joined Weight Watchers Online.
So far it hasn’t been hard. I haven’t wanted to eat crap. I’m liking the new points system that gives me fruit for free. This weekend and week I’ve already started to notice more energy in myself, more getting things accomplished, less sitting on my ever widening ass. I’m ready to start dropping the weight, to start fitting into old clothes again. I’m looking forward to sticking with it. I’m hoping to inspire my Hubby to make similar changes. I’m ready to feel pretty and sexy again. I’m just ready.
For the record, Weight Watchers does not know me and they haven’t provided me anything for mentioning them. Although I’d appreciate a free membership if they were to offer. Also, I’ll take some tickets to whatever Jennifer Hudson is in next. Thanks!